its been a while since i posted an entry.
things have been really crazy over the last few months, it feels like everything is different. Thats probably because everything IS different. I find myself losing touch with a lot of people that i used to be really close with. Why? Im not sure, for some reason i cant keep the same friends around for too long, it's like i outgrow them or something. Its depressing, i cant say that i know anybody thats been with me through everything, all the good times and all the bad. Since the beginning of summer break the only person that i can say I've been talking to everyday is Joe. I've known him since gr. 9 and hes been with me through alot. We even dated the same girl, which must have been hard for him to accept. I remember him telling me how he was starting to fall for her again after they had broken up, and then literally TWO days later i had asked her out. How could he still be friends with me after that? I have no idea. Even as me and steph were dating me and joe would still talk, not as much, but we would talk. I was too cought up in being in love for the first time to notice, but me and joe were growing further apart.
Were still good friends.
Steph on the other hand, well thats an entirely different situation.
Getting over her was one of the hardest things id ever had to do.
When it comes to that subject i feel like screaming, im such an idiot.
I could have prevented the whole situation from getting as bad as it got, but i kept lying to myself. I kept telling myself things were ok. Things sucked. Dont get me wrong, i spent some of the best 7 months of my life with that girl, she helped me turn my entire life around. But the way things ended was rough. It felt like she just woke up one day and stopped caring about me. I know shit like that happens, but you dont have to go on pretending.
I've spent enough sleepless nights wondering "what could have been" and im done with it. She wasnt the same person i started dating in November, she had totally changed.
Its funny, Ive been in Alabama all week and it really helped to get my mind off of her. My minds been in other places, i have alot of things going for me right now that im really excited about, i cant dwell on the past.
woah.. its 2:20am and im rambling on.
Im so far from home but i feel happy here, im away from all the drama, all the crap that i have going on in my life. UGGGH the only person that would have any idea about what i am talking about would be steph. She knows how bad things are between me and my mom and she helped me through it. I think thats what i miss the most, having somebody to talk to when things get rough. I've been talking to Sabrina on the phone over the past few days but we have yet to have a long conversation. I was busy getting ready for the trip. I hope to get to know her better once i get home. Speaking of that... I cant believe i come home on thursday. This week flew by so quickly.
...its 2:30 in the morning, im in alabama, and im starting to think about everything thats been happening to me over the last little while. i think i've just gone completely insane. Or maybe its just that this is the only chance I've really had to just stop and get all my thoughts out.
I dont really even remember what i've been typing about. I dont even care.
Im going to sleep.
i love this new funeral for a friend cd...u were right sabrina, its awesome.